zen master.

oh where to begin ..

I , myself knew that I would never get an abortion. I am so against it a thousand percent and more. It was never an option and was never even a thought in my mind. Same with adoption. Was never a thought and was never an option for me.

My family has had many problems with pregnancy.. (miscarriages)
I was terrified every single day I would loose her and that was my worst fear in the whole entire world. I didn't know what she would look like, If she would be crazy and go through purple crying. I didn't care just as long as she was safe , happy and healthy. There were other risks in my pregnancy which one day I will get enough courage to talk about. NOT an std or ANYTHING of that sort. A genetic thing in my family. ANYWHO.

The day finally came when we found out "it" was no longer a "it" , but a she.
I was so happy.. my heart almost came out of my butt.. I was amazed that this beautiful , tiny , perfect life was inside of me and she belonged to me. My very own baby girl to call my own. To love and to hold for the rest of my life.

Eventually my due date had come and gone and I was devastated I always starred at her bed longing for her to come out and be with me and the rest of the world. So that night (boyfriends birthday) I but on a DVD birth stories and watched it and ate a whole entire bag of sweet and salty popcorn from superstore and cried. Not because I was sad or scared.. but because I just wanted her so bad.

He went to bed and told me if anything happens wake me up and we will go.. well sure enough 3am rolls around 5 minutes after the boyfriend had fallen asleep.. I felt the weirdest feeling and I knew she was coming I flew down the hallway into the bathroom I dont even think my feet touched the ground.

She was born that day 7:48pm.. And my life had finally begun.. My purpose in life became clear. I had a miracle baby and thank the lord everyday and night for how beautiful she is. I love to teach her new things.. "duck" "boat" in the tub.. "ball" "cat" "dog" just short simple and to the point kinda words. I love feeding her and seeing her interact with other people. She is beyond amazing. I still take her out of bed at night and hold her against my chest like shes a newborn.. I still watch her sleep and check on her. She is my peace of mind , my saviour .. shes the air I breath. She has taught me so much in life already.. I will forever love her , she will forever be my zen master. Takes away all my frustrations and my sadness from the day. Shes my smile and well my everything. Plain and simple.